The Mapleton Item

VOL. 1. MAPLETON DEPOT, PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 21, 1889. NO. 20. BUSINESS CARDS. J G. SPANGLEE, M. D., — PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,— ^-Office on Main Street, near Juniata House. Д W. SWOPE, —JUSTICE OP THE PEACE.— All bueincm entrusted with him will receive “Poetry. The Boy *f It. In this enlightened A J boy Must C A lot of fun, Inventions for him 2 N joy, В 1 derfully done. Mr. Bowser and informed him of the fact. “W — what is it!” he gasped, as he sat up in bed. “The house is on fire! Can’t you see the smoke and the blaze/” I was out on the floor and dree- His pockets, never M T, hold A bric-a-brac R A Of curi О C T’s untold, And mostly in D K. sing me when he rolled out of bed, sprang to the door and shouted at the top of his voice: “Murder! Police! Fire We proper attention. Collections made and im¬ mediate returns given. Legal writing prompt¬ ly executed. ^ЯГ on Main street. J B. SIMPSON. Huntingdon, Pa. FIRE AND LIFE INSURANCE, IN SOLID RELIABLE COMPANIES. ^3f-Call at office, or send for circulars. yy H. & J. S, WOODS, ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW, Jo. 327 Penn Street. Opposito First National Bank. Huntingdon, Pa. Л W.MATTERN. PAINTING and PAPER-HANGING. Am prepared to do painting, graining, gloz- igf paper-hanging, etc., in either town or ountry. Satisfaction guaranteed in every see. Baeidonce on Bail road street. Drop me postal. _ _ _ j- 'P. WILSON, — DEALEB IN— .NTHRACITE, BITUMINOUS, & CANNELCOAL.& CONNELLS- VILLE CRUSHED COKE, air* All orders promptly filled at the lowest rices possible. _ ___ _ ^р.зтивщ * —CARPET WEAVER.— nd dealer in all kinds of Carpet Chain and [aterlals. Prompt attention to business and satisfac- ion guaranteed. Charges reasonable. IJISS MATTIE BOBLEY, —DRESSMAKER.— All kinds of Plain and Fancy Sowing done t short notice. Aim to please customers. ^®-Give me a call. JAMES E- McCONAHY, lESTtURANT AND EATING -SALOON, FRESH FISH AND VEGETABLES. Iain Street, Opposite Juniata House. EORGE T. NUMER, SHIONABLE BARBER —AND — HAIR - DRESSER. Ihop on Main Street, opposite B. O’Connor In К C must assist his dad, He has no N R G, But when he helps N A bor’s lad, Ho works with X T C. Sweet things to E T will enjoy, Like К Q know, and piej The stuff that goes in N E boy Would E Z mako us die. He hates Л wash Ills face & &'s, Though dirty to X S, But when a sweet R T commands, How he'll X L in drees. To way К sleepy boy for school Is awful to 8 A To go a fishing N A pool, He's up В 4 the day. On thinnest I C loves to skate. In water D P dives, In D D goes in dangers great, And, as U 0, survives. In P C never lots you rest, He’ll C Q right away. And then to T Z tries hie best, With noise you can't L. A. At this young A G must enthuse, Or L C cannot grow; His youthful spirits we X Q'a — We used 2 В just so. But in the N D will repay, Ail trouble & X pense So let him С К chance to play. В 4 his cares commence. Select Story. NIB. AND NIRM. BOWSER. The 014 Nlrnn Demonstrate* Hif Great Presence el mind. “Mrs. Bowser, it is possible that this bouse may take fire some time observed Mr. Bowser as he laid aside bis paper the other evening. “Tee.” “If it takes Are while I am at- home all I expect of you is to take the child and get out doors. I shall peril my life to subdue the conflagration, and if I find it can¬ not be done 1 shall save all the valuables.” “Perhaps I could help yon.,, “And perhaps you couldn’t. You’d do more damage than good if you tried to. I waut you to re¬ member and got right ont and stay are all on fire up here!” “Well slip on your clothes and see if you can’t put it out. It must be in the back ball.” “Fire! Fire! Fire!” be yelled as be sought to put ou bis pants. “Our bouse is on fire! We shall be burned alive!” He rnslied to the telephone and rang it continuously for twenty seconds, and then yelled: “Hello, central! Hello, central! Fire! Fire! Fire! My house is on lire! Send up the police and three engines right away!” He couldn’t wait for an answer, but took three or four circuits around the sitting room, made a dash into the parlor and out by the front ball, all the time yelling “Fiie!” at the top of liis voice, and then it occured to him to go to the fire alarm box down on the corner. Out be rushed, barefooted and bareheaded, and after trying for half a minute to pull the box off the post he ran to the residence where the key was kept. His shouts and yells had aroused ev¬ erybody witbin half a mile, and the iiossessor of the key threw up bis window and called; “Is that you, Bowser!” “Yos, it’s me! My house is on fire!” “Sure! I didn’t see any light over there.” “It’s on lire from the cellar to garret, and I expect my wife and child have perished in the flames!” “That’s awful! Here’s the key.” Mr. Bowser not only turned in one alarm, but lie kept on sending them in until the first steamer ar¬ rived, and the driver of it ordered him away from the box and called him a blank fool. Five engines came rushing np, and I had got the smoke out of the hall and was down stairs when a dozen firemen & Son s store. j£3~Satiefaetlon guaranteed. Give me a trial. ROnnaSHOE MAKERT Having secured the serv¬ ices of W. D. Dickson, a first-class workman, I can assure patrons that their work will be done prompt Jy and in a very satisfac¬ tory manner. Hew Work a Speci¬ alty, and Good Fits Guaranteed. Shop on Main Street, near P. R. R. station. Give us a call, M. L. REX. Subscribe — FOF{— “Tbs Ifam." out.” “I have been told that I bad great presence of mind, Mr. Bow¬ ser.” “Yes, and yon may have been told that you were the empress of Russia. Presence oi mind! There isn’t a woman on earth wlio’d have presence of uiind enough in case of a fire to save her own shoes! All I want of you is to follow my di¬ rections.” It was singular that the test should come so soon. In lighting the gas in the hall up stairs Mr. Bowser must have dropped the match upon a rug lying near. We were hardly in bed before I smell¬ ed smoke, but when I mentioned the fact Mr. Bowser growled: “Nonsense! The cook probably threw some eggshells into the range when she was clearing up her sup¬ per dishes. Your nose is always smelling fire or burglars or sewer gas, and it is always wrong.” He went to sleep and I continu¬ ed to snuff that odor. Ten minu¬ tes after Mr. Bowser bad uttered bis first snore a thick cloud of smoke poured into our bedroom all of a sudden, and at the same moment the darkness was lighted up by a flickering flame. The house was certainly ou fire, and I shook dashed up the steps to tight the conflagration. I showed them up stairs to investigate. Mr. Bowser went with them. After they got through laughing they turned on Mr. Bowser. They called him by 150 different titles, besides advis¬ ing him to go and sandpaper and soak his bead. They sneered at his excuses and laughed at bis ex¬ planations, and as they retired one of them remarked: “It’s a good thing for yon, old bowlegs, that you have got a guardian!” When they had gone and we were left to ourselves Mr. Bowser looked very important and observ¬ ed: “Well, I made mighty short work of that blaze.” “You! What did you do!” I asked. “What did I do! Mrs. Bowser, do yon intend to claim any credit for extinguishing that blaze!” “I do. Bat for me the house would have gone. Mr. Bowser you were so rattled that you acted like a crazy man.” “What! you put ont the fire! I rattled! Mrs. Bowser, this is too much. I see through the conspi¬ racy. On several occasions you have, driven me to the. This is be- vond.”*— Detroit Free Press, A GOOD STORY OF LINCOLN. A lawyer is presumed to be al¬ ways able to suggest a difficulty no matter how self-evident the case may seem, but the truly great law¬ yer knows how to start a point that even a brother lawyer cannot start an objection to. According to the Yankee Blade, Stephen A. Douglas and Mr. Lovejoy were once gossip ing together, when Abraham Lin¬ coln came in. The two men immediately turn¬ ed upon the proper length of a man’s legs. “Now,” said Lovejoy, “Abe’s legs are altogether too long, and yours, Douglas, I think, are a little short. Let’s ask Abe and see what he makes out of it.” The conversation bad been car¬ ried on with a view to Lincoln’s overhearing, and so they closed the conversation by saying: “Abe, wliat do you think about this question!” Mr. Lincoln bad a far away look, as he sat with one leg twisted around the other, but he responded to the question: “Think of what!” “Well, we are talking about the proper length of a man’s lege. We think yours too long aud Douglas’ too short and we’d like to know what you think is the proper length.” “Well,” said Mr. Lincoln, “that is a matter that I have never given any thought to, so, of course, I might be mistaken, but my first impression of a man’s legs, is that they ought to be long enough to reacb from his body to the ground. ONLY TWO WORDS. “Obi if I were lucky enough to call tbie estate mine, I should be a happy fellow,’* said a young man. “And then!” said a friend. “Why then I’d pull down the old house and bnild a palace, have lots of prime fellows around me, keep the best wines and finest horses and dogs in the country.” “And then!” “Then I’d bunt, and ride, and smoke, and drink, and dance, and keep open bouse, and enjoy life gloriously.” “Aud then!” “Why, then, I suppose, like oth¬ er people, I would grow old and uot care so much for these things.” “And then!” “Why then, I suppose, in the course of natnre, I should leave all these pleasant things — and — well, yes — die!” “And then!” “Oh, bother your *tliens!’ I must be off.” Many years after, the friend was accosted with, “God bless you! I owe my happiuess to you! “How!” “By two words spoken in season long ago— And then!” — The newest occupation for women is said to be that ot superintendent of weddings. The superintendent, who is usually a youngish woman, is installed in the h о u s e of the bride-to-be some little time before the cere¬ mony. She selects the trousea, advises what is finest and best in underwear, buys the materials and designs, and makes or superintends the making of the gowns, knows all about stockings, boots, gloves, laces, and handkerchiefs, sees to the millinery and jackets and wraps, tell the bride’s mother and sisters what to wear, dictates to the brides¬ maids, thinks of everything, and lets the engaged couple enjoy themselves with unanxious minds. A New Railway Slgmal. Frank Robinson, Superintendent of Motive Power of the Maine Cen¬ tral Railroad, at Bangor, has invent¬ ed a railway signal, which is attract¬ ing much attention, and is eaid to be the most perfect appliance of the kind yet constructed. This signal is to warn one train when another has preceded it, and thus prevent trains from crashing into the rear of others which accidents are of such frequent occurrence. Various appliances in¬ tended to serve this purpose have been tried heretofore, but all of them have been found defective in some respect. Mr. Robinson has been studying the problem for two уеагз and be thinks that his invention is a practical solution of the question. His signal, one of the ordinary kind, is set up by the passing of a train, the wheels operating upon ;» strong spring placed alongside the rail, and after a given number of minutes (the time can be regulated to suit) it is returned to its original position by force of gravity. This force is obtained by means of two iron bulbs or globes, one of which is filled with alcohol, connected by tubes and unevenly balanced upon л horizontal shaft. The action of the spring in setting the signal brings the globe filled with alcohol to such a pobition above the empty globe which is the emaller of the two, that the liquid begins to run into the latter through a small tube, the air thus displaced passing to the upper globe by means of a large tube. When the smaller globe has received the greater part of the alcohol it swings by its own weight and acquired mo¬ mentum around the axis to a point above the large globe, thus turning the signals, wheu the alcohol quickly runs back to its original receptacle through the large tube, and the two spheres resume their original posi¬ tion. The same movement can be accomplished by using shot or sand in the bulbs. A model of this ap¬ paratus ie being tested in the Maine Central yard m Bangor, and the railroad men are greatly pleased with it. _ _ _ AN EXCHANGE APOLOGIZES. An exchange apologizes for its shortcomings and summarizes an editor’s duties iu this fashion. We apologize lor mistakes made in all former issues and say they were inexcusable as all an editor has to do is to hunt news, and clean the rollers, and set type, and sweep the floor, and pen short items, and fold papers, and distribute type and talk to visitors, and carry water, and saw wood, and read proofs, and correct mistakes, and hunt the shears to write editorials, and dod¬ ge bills, and dun delinquents, and take cursings from the whole force, and tell our subscribers that we need money. We say that we have no business to make mistakes while attending to these little matters and getting our living on gopher- tail soup flavored with imagination, and wearing old shoes and no col¬ lar, and a patch on our pants, obliged to turn a smiling counten¬ ance to the man who tells us that our paper isn’t worth anything, and that he could make a better one with his eyes shut. Notice to Fanners, A report having been circulated to the effect that we will do no threshing this season, we take this method of no. tifying those who expect us to do their work or will give us the opportunity that we will be on hand, and are open for engagements. Respectfully, Greenland & Pheasant. Gassville, Pa., July 30, 1SS9.